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| Written by celly
-- Thursday, 04 January 2007 |
You know, every once in a while, I wake up... Put on a pot of coffee... Take a Shower... Get Dressed... Sit down to read the news paper... Get a cup of the coffee I made... Read the funnies in the paper... Perhaps even the sports section... Possibly then walk the dogs... Follow that with another cup of coffee, or if it's after 10am.. A Beer... Think about David Bowie's pelvis bulge while he has a Tina Turner hair-do... Ahh yes... I love Tuesdays...
What? Is that not normal? I mean, common, how could the man not have a bulge, he's been staring at Jennifer Connelly for 2 hours straight... Then again, in the movie I think she is supposed to be 15, which seems a lil' dirty now that I mention it -- [In fact I think it's also even super Illegal -- But it was filmed in London -- So who knows what the laws are there]
Still not sure what I'm talking about? I guess you'll need to jump over to IMDB for a little Labyrinth schooling. It's Ok.. I didn't know about this movie until recently... But who can resist a musical children's movie staring David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly, and hordes of puppets... How this movie is not on some top 10 'First Date' movie list is beyond me.. It's practically visual Spanish fly..
Well, thanks to the Guy's over at Waterloo You can now take that dream with you everywhere you go. There is no shame in honoring the 80's, and there is even less shame in using the 80's to woo the ladies... [Or, using the 80's to have dirty thoughts of a Turnered out David Bowie... Yummy...]
[Oh, Common.... Admit it... David Bowie makes one hot chick! ..... No? .... *sigh* .... I need to stop drinking before Noon... ]
Cost: 25$ [USD / Bottle of Hairspray]
Avilable: Mens / Womens
URL: Waterloo
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| Last Updated ( Thursday, 04 January 2007 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Tuesday, 15 August 2006 |
Wow guys, the tshirt scene on the Intranetweb has sorta come to a screeching halt. I have been looking lately for some new unique shirts for y'all with no luck. Pretty much everything new is this pseudo abstract emo crap... So much so, that I'm actually really starting to like vintage shirts again... I try to update my shirt collection every 2-3 months, and I'm having a super hard time.
So, in my search for some quality vintage shirts, I went back to OrangeShag.com [ via. This ol' skewl Post ] to see if they had anything that tickled my fancy. And for some reason this shirt cracked my shit up. I think it has a good level of pervert and taste all in one. Seriously, Big meat jokes? How can you go wrong..
While you're at it, check out the Cheryl Ladd, Makin Bacon, and for the ladies -- The Official Van Shaker t-shirts.
Hope You enjoy them. Summer is almost over, so make sure you get your dose of T's now while you still can...
... unless you live in Florida like me, where the naked season is almost over, and we go back to wearing clothes in a few months ...
URL: http://www.orangeshag.com |
| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 15 August 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Saturday, 29 July 2006 |
I get so much crap email every day about people asking me to review their shirts. I mean, I like it, because that is the point of this website, but people don't realize that this is not one of them ass kissing websites. I post some crazy stuff on occasion. And when you send me some religious right t-shirt... Chances are, I'm not going to post it.. And if I do, It's not going to be a good thing.. Right now, I'm in the process of being nice, and spending more time posting fun reviews, instead of flame's -- But I swear to god, then next person to send me some "Jesus Loves you" tshirt for review, will be sorry.. Very, Very Sorry...
SO! That being said, I was pleasantly surprised when I found this little email in my mailbox yesterday. I really like "one off" tshirts. My first "one off" shirt was for The Stinky Meat Project [ Here's hoping there's Maggots!! ] -- And that shirt is so niche, that when people recognize it it makes it that much more powerful.. And for the people who don't recognize it, it makes them that much more curious.. Which to me, is the reason that people search so hard to find good tshirts.. To be original, and to wear topical support for a concept or a cause.
Anyways, this shirt is for a new movie called PezHeads. It's a documentary about the Pez culture, and how to properly grind up the pez candy and turn it into high grade heroine. First, I think it is a cool shirt. And Second, I commend them for marketing this idea. Collectors and enthusiasts tend to come up with the worth tshirt ideas, mainly because they only care about the inner culture, and not the appeal to an external audience. This shirt I think does both very well, but still stays simple and cheap... Anyways, enjoy the shirt folks, and good luck to the PezHeads crew with their movie launch!
[ Note: +1 for the main Guy looking like Scott Ian. -1 for the Director looking like Paulo Costanzo. +1 for Scott Ian dude having a hot wife. -1 for her going to UF... Yah, you heard me right.... UF = -1... UCF representing... ]
Cost: $10.00 [USD / 72lbs of Pez candy]
URL: www.pezheadsthemovie.com
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| Last Updated ( Saturday, 29 July 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Friday, 07 July 2006 |
I think I have spent too much time lately watching Ghosthunters on the SciFi channel. It's actually a really cool show for geeks.. Pretty much TAPS [ The Atlantic Paranormal Society -- But seriously, who the hell acronyms 'the' ] set up cameras and recorders in places that have claims of being 'haunted'. They do this in order to collect 'real' evidence to help prove or disprove a haunting instead of the traditional stories and uneasy feelings... Granted most everything that they do collect could/can be reproduced with very, very, very primitive special effects, you still have the thought of "what if it is real" in the back of your head... The way I look at it is, since this is a hobby for them, and since their day job is actually plumbing, my guess is they have real shit in their life to lie about... [ *sigh* A plumber and shit joke? Did I need to stoop that low? o' rly? ]
I think it is funny how as we get older, or just as the times mature, we look at things differently. Ghosts to me are no longer Scooby-Doo era floating white sheets -- Now they are energy, mists, orbs, and hidden voices. Is it that I'm just more educated on the subject? Or is it that we know less about it now than ever, so people are forced to make up answers to help us feel a sense of understanding? Who knows?
But, if like myself, deep down you're still a sheet over the head type guy, check out this cool shirt from www.Owlmovement.com. This crisp design is printed on an American Apparel tee and although does kinda have that Halloween feel to it, I give you full approval to wear it year round.. Yeah, Thats right.. If anyone gives you shit, tell em' I said it was okay... Then tell em "o'Rly .. ya' Rly"..
Cost $20 [USD / Bones...]
URL: www.owlmovement.com
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| Last Updated ( Friday, 07 July 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Thursday, 06 July 2006 |
I think it'd be pretty cool to be a ninja. Unfortunately for me, there was never a ninja booth at any of my career day's. I think it has to do with the fact that the ninja black is way to hot for Florida, so they tend to stay away from our climate. I guess I really can't blame them, because a ninja in a Don Johnson white linen suit would look stupid, and you'd be able to see their ninja underwear through it..
- 10 Reasons Why
I wish I was a ninja:
- 10. Always can be wearing my pajamas.
- 9. It would be acceptable to scream "Ninja" as a Prefix for every day activities: "Time for some... NINJA LAUNDRY!"
- 8. I'd look awesome with a Fu Man Chu
- 7. I'd be the tallest Ninja ever
- 6. Always have work as an extra in a Segal Movie
- 5. Black is so Slimming
- 4. I'd get to use the term 'Nunchuks' more...
- 3. Pizza time with Splinter and Shredder
- 2. Ninja's get 2 for 1 Carmel Machiato's every Tuesday at my local Starbucks
- 1. I hear the Ninja Ladies have the Corn Silk [ *sigh* If you get that joke.. I'm so, so, so, sorry... ]
Well, since I think it is too late to become a ninja, [And lets face the facts, I'm a scrawny ass white boy] I can at least pretend to. We got wind that www.shaolinen.com is dropping the latest in Ninja threads. [ And from the picture perhaps the latest in Ninja Laxatives? ] -- So Head on over and pick up the latest in British-Ninja threads... Huh... British ninjas.. Awesome...
[ NOTE: Haha, They are in Middlesex UK, hehe.. Middle Sex... That's Dirty Sounding.. ]
Cost: 15£ [Pounds, Ninja Stars]
URL: http://www.shaolinen.com/main.html
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| Last Updated ( Thursday, 06 July 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Tuesday, 27 June 2006 |
Wow, I guess the 80's pop culture train is still steaming along.. Wooo! Woooo! All aboard! [ Dear god, I hope I stop finding these damn t-shirts, I wanna go back to making fun of Britney Spears, penis enlargement spam, and illegal monkey tranquilizers... ]
Anyways, Perfect Strangers, The story about Larry Appleton (aka. Cousin Larry) and Balki Bartokomous living together in a questionably heterosexual relationship somewhere in Chicago. Clearly that screams comedic genius in itself. Regardless, to this day, Perfect Strangers is one of the most disrespected sitcoms of all time. In fact, right now it is neither released on DVD, or currently being ran under syndication. People just don't understand quality comedy anymore.
Because of the slander and malice towards Perfect Strangers, the actors hit hard times. Bronson Pinchot [ Who played Balki Bartokomous ] is now jail for three consecutive life sentences after killing 13 people who were teasing him about his character being "Predictable, and repetitive.." -- People don't realize that all the lines and script about his home 'Mypos', and the references to it, were more than just filler. You need to understand that in order to see the deep, deep, deep, deep, rather well hidden and very well jaded humor, you must look for the comedic symbolism within. Duh.
After the series was canceled Mark Linn-Baker [ Who Played Larry Appleton ] spent 6 years of his life tracking down the Prodigy Online user "bigSteve". bigSteve was notorious for frequenting and SySop'n the very popular Prodigy message board "Perfect Strangers / Your Place or Mine" -- The offending message simply read: "... Larry you sure do know how to suck.. Your ass is Mine! ..." -- Mark unfortunately took the message very personally and spend every dime he made from the show finding the person who wrote it. As it turns out, the message board had nothing to do with the TV Show, and was actually a dating and discussion board for gay males. Now, completely broke from his search, Larry works sending out emails for Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra to people who sign up for Mexican Mail order bride websites. Sad. Just Sad.
This brings us to todays T-shirt. This shirt not only shows respect for one of the greatest television shows of all time, but it also act as a public service announcement. Unless you wish to possibly loose your life, or end up at the end of a 40-Message per day Viagra addiction... If is just in your best interest that you don't talk to strangers. [ Oh, I so bet you didn't see that coming! ]
Good Job BustedTees! Ya'll rock over there. Keep the shirts coming!
Cost: $17.99 [USD / Cialis Soft Tabs ]
URL: www.bustedtees.com
[ Editor Note: Wow, I really do post some odd shit sometimes.. huh? ]
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 27 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Thursday, 15 June 2006 |
Why is TV and Radio getting so Mr. Rogers lately? It's actually starting to bother me. [ Big surprise huh... ] I always felt that having simple rights suppressed to keep the red states quiet was no big deal. Laws are nothing more than comprises. For instance, it is against the law for me to kill someone no matter how much I may want to. But, at the same time, that same law protects me from being killed as well. So even though I don't always get my way. I, on occasion, am being protected by this law... Compromises.. right?
The issue is the FCC isn't giving us compromises anymore. They say they are protecting us from indecency on public airwaves.. Fine. Make public TV and radio as freaking vanilla Jesus as you want. But, at least leave premium cable and satellite radio alone as part of the compromise. If I want to pay to see a weather girl being spanked with a salmon while riding on the hood of a Pinto through the streets of Erie, Pennsylvania while she tells us that Hurricane Alfredo has thirteen falic looking arms dumping buckets kittens and puppies into Lake Okeechobee... No one should be able to stop me, and that is the FCC's next move. Going after premium media services -- HBO, Showtime, XM, Sirius... These companies get my money every month for their ability to deliver me real content outside the constraints of the FCC and the religious right fueled "decency" filters we live with -- And the day that the FCC tries to touch that, I'll be super pissed.
Regardless, that is just my opinion... I know I should be more pissed than I am, but I don't have time to be pissed about this right now... Lucky for us we have people like http://www.choosetothink.com :: Head on over there and check out their freedom / rights / politics shirts... Very clean simple designs with good messages -- Plus, hot many two sided shirts do you see anymore? Two sided shirts rock!
Cost: $18.00 [USD / Salmon Spanking]
URL: http://www.choosetothink.com
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| Last Updated ( Thursday, 15 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 14 June 2006 |
Freaking Threadless. For those of you not in the know... Threadless will make over $10 Million this year. Yeah. Lemme say that again. $10,000,000. Thats a poop-load of nickles. So for all of you who think you are buying some super über-original tshirt think of it this way. Lets say they have 50 Designs a year. At $15 a shirt that's about 13000 Copies each. And I think 10Mill is a low number, and 50 Designs is a High number. But I'll give them the benefit of a doubt. Reguardless, they don't seem so special anymore, do they? Huh?
I guess with numbers like $10 Million [ And getting shout outs in Fortune Magazine ] I can understand why online T-Shirt shops are popping up quicker than Starbucks's.. But that is a good thing, because I love the fact that anyone can put whatever the hell they want on a shirt, and sell it on the Internet. But, that is  assuming it is a original idea. And now, I don't hate TL anymore... I'm just f'n jealous of the fact that they are making buckets loads of money off of other peoples designs... And I didn't think of it first. Well played fat man in a banana shirt... Well played...
So, anyways, this brings me to Threadless's "Type Tees" ... I saw this shirt, and it upset me because I saw this same phrase on a shirt about 6 Months ago. [ However, this shirt dropped the 'Bitch' from the end. Personally, I think the 'Bitch' made it funnier.. ] So, I have decided to come up with 10 OTHER original phrases. You know, kinda help them out a little bit :: And As always, feel free to use any of my ideas, just make sure you send me a free shirt. [ Unless you get sued... Then I don't know you or anything you are talking about... ]
Celly's 10 other "If you Can Read This" TShirt Ideas.
10. If you can read this: Chances are you're not Ray Charles.
09. If you can read this: Put the bag back over your head.
08. If you can read this: We are doing Doggy-Style Wrong.
07. If you can read this: You didn't goto a public school in Florida.
06. If you can read this: You're good enough for me... Wanna bump uglies?
05. If you can read this: I dah xes htiw ruoy mom, neht ehs dlot em uoy erew cixelsyd.
04. If you can read this: Then your super gay.
03. If you can read this: You are close enough that you now have head lice.
02. If you can read this: I hate you.
01. If you can read this: Then I helped Threadless make $10,000,000
Common! Instant Classics... No? I even managed to use 'bump uglies'.. Still No? Eh.. Whatever...
Cost: $15.00 [USD / Part of your Soul]
URL: http://www.threadless.com
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 14 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Sunday, 11 June 2006 |
HOLY BEANS!! It has been a long time. Ok, I haven't forgotten you fools... Just been super busy.. And because I know you're wondering what's keeping me so busy, and you know I can't tell you.. I'll give you a hint... Lets just say... Britney Spears new Manny... Might be me..
Now that we have that out of the way -- What do I have in store for you crazy sports fans? Could it be? More Pirate Schwag? Hells Yeah! When I was gone, I was dropped a little love letter from the folks over at piratemerc.com saying that they'd love for me to have one of their shirts walk the NoBleach plank... And I said, ahoy mateys! Anything for a fellow cockswain! I always enjoy a chance to Dance the Hempen Jig while eating cackle fruit below the futtock shrouds on the poop deck! There is nothing I love more!
[ Huh? ]
So listen here you landlubber, stop being a drivelswigger and pick yourself up some pirate booty to wear out on the town... [ But dear god, I hope you get a better haircut than the guy on their page.. ] And keep in mind, this is the Edward Lowe the pirate, not the Edward Lowe who invented kitty litter. Although, A movie about cat pirates would be cool... Or should I say It'd be puurrrrrrrfect....
[ Huh? ]
Cost: $15 [USD / Pirate Punns]
URL: http://www.piratemerch.com/
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| Last Updated ( Sunday, 11 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Sunday, 30 April 2006 |
The French have given us so many great inventions. For example you have French toast, French fries, the battery, Jacques Cousteau, surrendering, Mayonnaise, the guillotine, and my personal favorite rayon... But when they are not running around wearing a cellulose-based fiber that is made from wood pulp or cotton waste and commonly used as a substitute for silk, chances are they head over to InkMySoul.com and order a couple of crazy shirts for the whole family.
I'm not saying the French are rayon whores, but It is funny living here in Florida and seeing some European tourist have a rayon shirt shrink wrapped to their bodies after being melted in our hot humid sun. Global Warming is a bitch, but it sure makes for a fun time at Disney! If only these people understood what fine quality breathable cotton American Apparel tshirt were waiting for them over at InkMySoul, then they wouldn't be the butt of all of our jokes..[Ok, we'd still make fun of them, Especially when they keep jamming our `exact change` toll booths with Euro's..]
So enough about that. Check out this shirt.. I feel it's very 'Four Non Blonds` [I'm talking Bigger, Better, Faster, More! -- not Candace Bushnell] And plus they put it on a chick.. Boobies make everything better... Everything... Period.. Literally.. Everything... Period...
Cost: $31.59 [USD / Did I mention boobies make things better?]
URL: http://www.inkmysoul.com
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| Last Updated ( Sunday, 30 April 2006 ) |
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