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| Written by celly
-- Monday, 10 April 2006 |
Oh common, it's still funny... I still remember 6th grade and all the jokes we made on DARE day. They had the worst cartoons in the booklets they made us study from. It was almost like they reused cartoons from a Spanish text book, and just colored in the end of tacos to make them look like pills.And then after 6 weeks of class, after spending countless hours listening to Officer "I pissed off HR so now I have to teach DARE" and drawing mustaches on pill popping sombrero Joe, It was finally graduation day.
Now, when you graduated from DARE, you were supposed to have someone famous come and talk to your class. We were supposed to get Hulk Hogan... Unfortunately for us the Hulk was busy kicking ass, so he sent us a video instead... We were upset but in all realit y what we really wanted were our free tshirts! There is something about a free tshirt that drives people wild. I'm convinced that the cheap labels massage some erotic t-zone, but most likely we just like free meals when we can get them ... Regardless, We wanted that DAMN free shirt...
For about the next three weeks, the whole 6th grade washed and wore that shirt.. If you didn't wear it at least 4 times that week, you were a looser. It was a sea of black, moving through the hallways. [Except for the fat kids, they forgot to order any in their size]  Everyone was talking about how exciting it'll be to loose your virginity in your free DARE shirt or who boobs looked the biggest in their their DARE shirt.. It was a great time for all.. We were a proud Bunch, and with Hulk Hogans taped words still ringing in our ears there was nothing we couldn't 'Just Say No' to...
Then a few weeks later, Hulk Hogan himself admitted to having a drug problem. We were crushed! Our souls shattered. All along we were lied to, by none other than Hulk Hogan himself! So, the whole school got together, and in a tear filled ceremony we all burned our DARE shirts. We could have nothing to do with them, because now the purity, pride, and self confidence these shirts brought everyone had been shattered... By none other, than the mighty Hulk man himself...
It has been over 15 years since the great Hulk Hogan DARE mishap of Wellington Middle School... And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it... Mostly while drinking hard liquor, smoking paint chips, and snorting lines of coke off a hookers ass... [I'm just kidding.. I don't drink liquor, I'm a beer man...]
Cost: Bid Now! [Starting $.99]
URL: www.ebay.com |
| Last Updated ( Monday, 10 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Monday, 03 April 2006 |
I set out tonight to see what the most expensive tshirt I could find on ebay was. The rules were, it couldn't be something famous like some tshirt Elvis used as a codpiece during his fat years, it couldn't be something outrageously priced so that when you sorted items by price it was at the top, [People will do anything for a buck...] And finally, it could only be 1 item, and not a lot of 50 that 'fell off the back of a truck...'
So go figure, the winner is something from Japan... Apparently they don't have be-dazzlers over there, because here in the States, you can make this freaking shirt for $19.95 after waiting 6-8 weeks for shipping.. In fact, there isn't a grandmother, psycho aunt, or a fat chick in Iowa that doesn't already have a sweatshirt that looks EXACLTY like this – The main difference is that the Japanese don't put “I love Phil Donahue..” or “My Bong, My Bush, Just hit it!” [The latter can be sexual or political.. You choose..] on theirs..
So, if you have nothing better to do with $365.00, chances are you also have the money to have someone explain to you what the hell “A Bathing Ape” is... Or you're some trendy hip hop star that can afford the embarrassment of walking around bedazzled – yet trendy – in public.. Whatever..
So, Cliff notes: Bathing ape is a trendy Japanese clothing label. Every time you buy a Subaru, Toyota, or Honda, one more Japanese person can afford to walk around wearing this bedazzled shirt. At the current rate of car sales, Japan will look like Richard Simmonsville in 5 years... So overall, it might be worth it, but in the mean time if I see you wearing this on the street, I will club you with a tire iron.. twice..
Cost: $365.00
URL: www.ebay.com
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| Last Updated ( Monday, 03 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Tuesday, 14 February 2006 |
 [PAINFULSARCASM]
Yay! creative twisting of corporate logos into to humorous tees that the masses can enjoy!! This shirt is Numeral uno in line for my next casual Friday at the office... And I'll the the seller speak for themselves when they say “Whether you SNORT COKE or not, this shirt is stylish AND eye catching! “ -- I soooooooo agree... Ebay, you have the bestest most original quality goods ever!
[/PAINFULSARCASM]
Cost: $8.99 [USD / Dignity]
URL: www.ebay.com
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 14 February 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 08 February 2006 |
 Did you know that Scaramouche is a novel by Rafael Sabatini? And that John Kerry also own yacht named Scaramouche? Well, even if you didn't, here is a shirt you can fandango while you Galileo figaro- magnifico because you're just a poor boy and nobody loves you.
And as the seller put it “A must for any trend setting Queen fan. “ [Common, Seriously, is there such a thing?]. Anyways, It's British. It's retro. And it's super fab red, so you can wear it to gay day at Disney. Everyone wins.
Cost: 9.99 [GBP / 4.53 kg]
URL: http://www.ebay.com
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 08 February 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Tuesday, 07 February 2006 |
 I don't know about this one guys and gals. Sure, on the one hand, you have the fact that you are actually wearing an authentic Hypercolor shirt from the 80's. People might give you mad respect because you're still proud to listen to your Flock of Seagulls and not afraid of getting a tetnis shots just to play with a rusty 20 year old slap bracelet. You could end up being many peoples hero.
Or... on the other hand, you could just be known as the person with the with different color arm pits. Either way, I'm not here to judge.. Just show you where to find em, and what to pay.... While I just ran... Ran, so far away. I ran all night and day. I couldn't get away.
Cost: Starting Bid $.99 [USD / Hairspray]
URL: www.ebay.com |
| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 07 February 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Sunday, 05 February 2006 |
Does that girl at your trailer park
have a special place in your heart, but you don't know how to tell
her? First, try setting something in the shape of her name on fire.
When that doesn't work, head over to ebay, and buy yourself the
"Single and Disease Free" t-shirt. Any woman that can turn a man
down while wearing this shirt, either a) Doesn't respect the values
of a man without the flu or b) Wouldn't know a good thing if it
walked up and kicked her Miller High Life over.
[... What do you mean the Shirt isn't
talking about the flu? Ohhhhhhhh... Ewwww... ]
Price: $9.99 [USD / Marlboro accepted]
URL: http://www.ebay.com/
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| Last Updated ( Sunday, 05 February 2006 ) |
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