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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 12 July 2006 |
Before you go running off thinking that I have finally pulled the short straw from the decency bunch, hear me out. Cornhole is a game. Pretty much the easiest way to describe it is, horseshoes meets shuffleboard and the American desire to drink beer. If you know what cornhole is, then you already appreciate the humor and need for this shirt.
Cornhole is apparently the new [ Old? Not sure.. Sorry ] rage in Ohio. But recently, it has been branching out throughout the world of tailgating, and has now reared it's ugly head in Florida. I was introduced to it about 6 weeks ago when a friend of mine build a set of ACA [ American Cornhole Association ] spec playing boards. At first we were pretty damn sure he had lost his mind. Then about 8 hours later, 10 grown adults were arguing over who was the "Corn Hole King" and "Corn Hole Queen" .. [ Holy shit, I need to work on my social life.. ] Pretty much the game is pretty freaking fun, especially when you're just looking to relax and have a good time [ While Drinking Beer ] while spending time with your friends... [ While Drinking Beer ]
But because of the wack ass [ No pun intended ] name it's kind of a hard thing to talk to people about. I have already been beaten with a bible just for saying "cornhole" in front of my mother, and someone else gave me their phone number... [ Note: Sorry I never called yah Steve.. Been super busy this week.. Well that, and, I'm still super straight.. ] So I decided to pick myself up one of these shirts from CornholeEtc, and also show you a pic from last weekends game when a group of bikini models broke into a spontaneous game of cornhole...
Then we had an orgy..
Then I admitted to stealing images from the Internet and chopping them into a sexy cornhole image and fibbing about an orgy...
Then I was banned from Ohio...
Cost: $9.95 [USD / Fun Bags]
URL: www.CornholeEtc.com
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 12 July 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Friday, 07 July 2006 |
I think I have spent too much time lately watching Ghosthunters on the SciFi channel. It's actually a really cool show for geeks.. Pretty much TAPS [ The Atlantic Paranormal Society -- But seriously, who the hell acronyms 'the' ] set up cameras and recorders in places that have claims of being 'haunted'. They do this in order to collect 'real' evidence to help prove or disprove a haunting instead of the traditional stories and uneasy feelings... Granted most everything that they do collect could/can be reproduced with very, very, very primitive special effects, you still have the thought of "what if it is real" in the back of your head... The way I look at it is, since this is a hobby for them, and since their day job is actually plumbing, my guess is they have real shit in their life to lie about... [ *sigh* A plumber and shit joke? Did I need to stoop that low? o' rly? ]
I think it is funny how as we get older, or just as the times mature, we look at things differently. Ghosts to me are no longer Scooby-Doo era floating white sheets -- Now they are energy, mists, orbs, and hidden voices. Is it that I'm just more educated on the subject? Or is it that we know less about it now than ever, so people are forced to make up answers to help us feel a sense of understanding? Who knows?
But, if like myself, deep down you're still a sheet over the head type guy, check out this cool shirt from www.Owlmovement.com. This crisp design is printed on an American Apparel tee and although does kinda have that Halloween feel to it, I give you full approval to wear it year round.. Yeah, Thats right.. If anyone gives you shit, tell em' I said it was okay... Then tell em "o'Rly .. ya' Rly"..
Cost $20 [USD / Bones...]
URL: www.owlmovement.com
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| Last Updated ( Friday, 07 July 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Thursday, 06 July 2006 |
I think it'd be pretty cool to be a ninja. Unfortunately for me, there was never a ninja booth at any of my career day's. I think it has to do with the fact that the ninja black is way to hot for Florida, so they tend to stay away from our climate. I guess I really can't blame them, because a ninja in a Don Johnson white linen suit would look stupid, and you'd be able to see their ninja underwear through it..
- 10 Reasons Why
I wish I was a ninja:
- 10. Always can be wearing my pajamas.
- 9. It would be acceptable to scream "Ninja" as a Prefix for every day activities: "Time for some... NINJA LAUNDRY!"
- 8. I'd look awesome with a Fu Man Chu
- 7. I'd be the tallest Ninja ever
- 6. Always have work as an extra in a Segal Movie
- 5. Black is so Slimming
- 4. I'd get to use the term 'Nunchuks' more...
- 3. Pizza time with Splinter and Shredder
- 2. Ninja's get 2 for 1 Carmel Machiato's every Tuesday at my local Starbucks
- 1. I hear the Ninja Ladies have the Corn Silk [ *sigh* If you get that joke.. I'm so, so, so, sorry... ]
Well, since I think it is too late to become a ninja, [And lets face the facts, I'm a scrawny ass white boy] I can at least pretend to. We got wind that www.shaolinen.com is dropping the latest in Ninja threads. [ And from the picture perhaps the latest in Ninja Laxatives? ] -- So Head on over and pick up the latest in British-Ninja threads... Huh... British ninjas.. Awesome...
[ NOTE: Haha, They are in Middlesex UK, hehe.. Middle Sex... That's Dirty Sounding.. ]
Cost: 15£ [Pounds, Ninja Stars]
URL: http://www.shaolinen.com/main.html
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| Last Updated ( Thursday, 06 July 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 28 June 2006 |
Ode To Pacman
To some, video games are a sport,
That are played on a couch court,
They spend all their day,
Wasting away,
While they shoot, blast and jump,
All while sitting on their rump.
An escape from their lives,
Or escape from their wives,
Their mind just slowly melts away,
As they try to escape the realities of everyday.
The games put them in a fantasy world,
From which their attentions can not be swirled.
In these far away places,
Filled with delusive faces,
Gamers live their quixotic lives,
All seen through jaded eyes.
But in the end the they have nothing to show,
When the virtual world hits a plateau,
Because the world they learned to love,
Is no more than buttons, a joystick, or a power glove.
Eh. Not my best, But, not my worst.. [ We all remember the David Hasselhoff incident of 03' .. yikes! ] -- Anyways, this ode was inspired by 'Heart o Pac' which is one of the freaking kick ass shirts over at TeeTonic. Our fuzzy Scottish friends over there have outdone themselves this time around with one of the best shirt stores I have seen in a while. I wish some of the American Shirt makers would jump over there for some inspiration -- Or at the least to take notes.. Notice how none of their shirts say dumb shit like "No Means Yes in Texas!" -- Exactly... [ Actually, if done right, that'd might be a funny shirt ] -- Regardless, exchange rates and shipping aside, some of these shirts are well worth springing the extra bucks..
[ Note: I don't know why I always vision Scottish people as being fuzzy... Odd, I know. So to help me change my bias's I gave them a hairless baby. Cheers! ]
Cost: 20£ [ Pound / Fuzzy Wuzzy's ]
URL: www.teetonic.com
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 28 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Tuesday, 27 June 2006 |
Wow, I guess the 80's pop culture train is still steaming along.. Wooo! Woooo! All aboard! [ Dear god, I hope I stop finding these damn t-shirts, I wanna go back to making fun of Britney Spears, penis enlargement spam, and illegal monkey tranquilizers... ]
Anyways, Perfect Strangers, The story about Larry Appleton (aka. Cousin Larry) and Balki Bartokomous living together in a questionably heterosexual relationship somewhere in Chicago. Clearly that screams comedic genius in itself. Regardless, to this day, Perfect Strangers is one of the most disrespected sitcoms of all time. In fact, right now it is neither released on DVD, or currently being ran under syndication. People just don't understand quality comedy anymore.
Because of the slander and malice towards Perfect Strangers, the actors hit hard times. Bronson Pinchot [ Who played Balki Bartokomous ] is now jail for three consecutive life sentences after killing 13 people who were teasing him about his character being "Predictable, and repetitive.." -- People don't realize that all the lines and script about his home 'Mypos', and the references to it, were more than just filler. You need to understand that in order to see the deep, deep, deep, deep, rather well hidden and very well jaded humor, you must look for the comedic symbolism within. Duh.
After the series was canceled Mark Linn-Baker [ Who Played Larry Appleton ] spent 6 years of his life tracking down the Prodigy Online user "bigSteve". bigSteve was notorious for frequenting and SySop'n the very popular Prodigy message board "Perfect Strangers / Your Place or Mine" -- The offending message simply read: "... Larry you sure do know how to suck.. Your ass is Mine! ..." -- Mark unfortunately took the message very personally and spend every dime he made from the show finding the person who wrote it. As it turns out, the message board had nothing to do with the TV Show, and was actually a dating and discussion board for gay males. Now, completely broke from his search, Larry works sending out emails for Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra to people who sign up for Mexican Mail order bride websites. Sad. Just Sad.
This brings us to todays T-shirt. This shirt not only shows respect for one of the greatest television shows of all time, but it also act as a public service announcement. Unless you wish to possibly loose your life, or end up at the end of a 40-Message per day Viagra addiction... If is just in your best interest that you don't talk to strangers. [ Oh, I so bet you didn't see that coming! ]
Good Job BustedTees! Ya'll rock over there. Keep the shirts coming!
Cost: $17.99 [USD / Cialis Soft Tabs ]
URL: www.bustedtees.com
[ Editor Note: Wow, I really do post some odd shit sometimes.. huh? ]
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 27 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 21 June 2006 |
Wait, Mark Harmon was in "Summer School"? Right, and I supposed you're going to tell me that Kirstie Alley was once thin... -- Wow, how soon we all forget.
" ... Who we admire most in the world, and why? The person we admire most in the world is make-up artist and creature creator Rick Baker. His wonderfully gruesome slime bladders and slobber tubes in an American Werewolf in London won him a richly deserved Oscar. That is why we admire make-up artist and creature creator Rick Baker very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very much. It's 100 words on the nose. You can count it if you want ... "
 Summer School, what a freaking classic movie. Even after 20 years, I still crack up when I see it on TV. And when you see people like Mark Harmon and Kirstie Alley `In Their Prime` you wonder how Mark went from surf punk to NCIS's badass, and Kirstie went from a pseudo sex symbol to the spokes model for Jenny Craig. Stuff like that just cranks me up. [ And please know I use the term `sex symbol` loosely.. very, very, very, very, very, very, very ... loosely ]
So here's to you -- 80's movies that won't die! And for all you movie tshirt fans out there, head over to http://www.founditemclothing.com. They take famously obscure t-shirts from movies and tv past, and bring them to life. [ And by famously obscure, I mean, no 'Vote for Pedro' shirts... ] Some of my other personal fav's are the "Surf Nicaragua" and "I Love Toxic Waste" from real genius. -- In Fact, I just ordered the I [heart] Toxic Waste Shirt. I'll be the Belle of the Ball what that one! Woot!
Cost: $19.95 [USD / 7 Carb Points on your diet Kirstie!]
URL: http://www.founditemclothing.com/
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 21 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Thursday, 15 June 2006 |
Why is TV and Radio getting so Mr. Rogers lately? It's actually starting to bother me. [ Big surprise huh... ] I always felt that having simple rights suppressed to keep the red states quiet was no big deal. Laws are nothing more than comprises. For instance, it is against the law for me to kill someone no matter how much I may want to. But, at the same time, that same law protects me from being killed as well. So even though I don't always get my way. I, on occasion, am being protected by this law... Compromises.. right?
The issue is the FCC isn't giving us compromises anymore. They say they are protecting us from indecency on public airwaves.. Fine. Make public TV and radio as freaking vanilla Jesus as you want. But, at least leave premium cable and satellite radio alone as part of the compromise. If I want to pay to see a weather girl being spanked with a salmon while riding on the hood of a Pinto through the streets of Erie, Pennsylvania while she tells us that Hurricane Alfredo has thirteen falic looking arms dumping buckets kittens and puppies into Lake Okeechobee... No one should be able to stop me, and that is the FCC's next move. Going after premium media services -- HBO, Showtime, XM, Sirius... These companies get my money every month for their ability to deliver me real content outside the constraints of the FCC and the religious right fueled "decency" filters we live with -- And the day that the FCC tries to touch that, I'll be super pissed.
Regardless, that is just my opinion... I know I should be more pissed than I am, but I don't have time to be pissed about this right now... Lucky for us we have people like http://www.choosetothink.com :: Head on over there and check out their freedom / rights / politics shirts... Very clean simple designs with good messages -- Plus, hot many two sided shirts do you see anymore? Two sided shirts rock!
Cost: $18.00 [USD / Salmon Spanking]
URL: http://www.choosetothink.com
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| Last Updated ( Thursday, 15 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Thursday, 15 June 2006 |
Sometimes you need to go out of your way to buy the one you love [ Or Lust.. Or Pay... ] something nice. No matter what the occasion is, [ and usually no occasion is the best occasion ] you have to pick and choose carefully what you buy the ladies. unfortunately, mots guys go into Victoria Secrets and purchasing the most unbridled lingerie they can find.. But when you think about it, that is more of a gift for yourself than it is for her... Right? Right? Uh huh... Perv...
So, someone today was asking about a gift to get his lady friend for her birthday... He was looking for something unique that says "I love you a lil' more when you're almost naked..." -- Enter www.iseefrance.com -- Not only does this site has some nice lil some'n - some'n that you can enjoy watching her prance around the house in... It also has a smoking hot model to stare at while you place your order. I mean smoking hot... Like putting a can of smoked almonds in the microwave for 2mins type smoking hot...
[ Note: Putting smoked almonds in the microwave is a very very very bad idea... And I should of known that after I thought to myself.. `I wonder what warm nuts taste like...` ]
So, anyways, check this site out... If not to do something nice like dropping 30$ to make your property happy, then at least do it to check out this fine lady showing us what it 'could' look like... And also to enjoy the very subtle humor on the site.. Apparently, Phil is the name of the bear on the shirt. And according to to description "Phil loves salmon, snow, long walks on the beach, but most of all he loves you!" -- Salmon? really? A fish joke? -- Well played panty people.. well played...
Cost: $30$/Set [USD / Can you put a price on love?]
URL: www.iseefrance.com |
| Last Updated ( Thursday, 15 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 14 June 2006 |
Freaking Threadless. For those of you not in the know... Threadless will make over $10 Million this year. Yeah. Lemme say that again. $10,000,000. Thats a poop-load of nickles. So for all of you who think you are buying some super über-original tshirt think of it this way. Lets say they have 50 Designs a year. At $15 a shirt that's about 13000 Copies each. And I think 10Mill is a low number, and 50 Designs is a High number. But I'll give them the benefit of a doubt. Reguardless, they don't seem so special anymore, do they? Huh?
I guess with numbers like $10 Million [ And getting shout outs in Fortune Magazine ] I can understand why online T-Shirt shops are popping up quicker than Starbucks's.. But that is a good thing, because I love the fact that anyone can put whatever the hell they want on a shirt, and sell it on the Internet. But, that is  assuming it is a original idea. And now, I don't hate TL anymore... I'm just f'n jealous of the fact that they are making buckets loads of money off of other peoples designs... And I didn't think of it first. Well played fat man in a banana shirt... Well played...
So, anyways, this brings me to Threadless's "Type Tees" ... I saw this shirt, and it upset me because I saw this same phrase on a shirt about 6 Months ago. [ However, this shirt dropped the 'Bitch' from the end. Personally, I think the 'Bitch' made it funnier.. ] So, I have decided to come up with 10 OTHER original phrases. You know, kinda help them out a little bit :: And As always, feel free to use any of my ideas, just make sure you send me a free shirt. [ Unless you get sued... Then I don't know you or anything you are talking about... ]
Celly's 10 other "If you Can Read This" TShirt Ideas.
10. If you can read this: Chances are you're not Ray Charles.
09. If you can read this: Put the bag back over your head.
08. If you can read this: We are doing Doggy-Style Wrong.
07. If you can read this: You didn't goto a public school in Florida.
06. If you can read this: You're good enough for me... Wanna bump uglies?
05. If you can read this: I dah xes htiw ruoy mom, neht ehs dlot em uoy erew cixelsyd.
04. If you can read this: Then your super gay.
03. If you can read this: You are close enough that you now have head lice.
02. If you can read this: I hate you.
01. If you can read this: Then I helped Threadless make $10,000,000
Common! Instant Classics... No? I even managed to use 'bump uglies'.. Still No? Eh.. Whatever...
Cost: $15.00 [USD / Part of your Soul]
URL: http://www.threadless.com
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 14 June 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Sunday, 11 June 2006 |
HOLY BEANS!! It has been a long time. Ok, I haven't forgotten you fools... Just been super busy.. And because I know you're wondering what's keeping me so busy, and you know I can't tell you.. I'll give you a hint... Lets just say... Britney Spears new Manny... Might be me..
Now that we have that out of the way -- What do I have in store for you crazy sports fans? Could it be? More Pirate Schwag? Hells Yeah! When I was gone, I was dropped a little love letter from the folks over at piratemerc.com saying that they'd love for me to have one of their shirts walk the NoBleach plank... And I said, ahoy mateys! Anything for a fellow cockswain! I always enjoy a chance to Dance the Hempen Jig while eating cackle fruit below the futtock shrouds on the poop deck! There is nothing I love more!
[ Huh? ]
So listen here you landlubber, stop being a drivelswigger and pick yourself up some pirate booty to wear out on the town... [ But dear god, I hope you get a better haircut than the guy on their page.. ] And keep in mind, this is the Edward Lowe the pirate, not the Edward Lowe who invented kitty litter. Although, A movie about cat pirates would be cool... Or should I say It'd be puurrrrrrrfect....
[ Huh? ]
Cost: $15 [USD / Pirate Punns]
URL: http://www.piratemerch.com/
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| Last Updated ( Sunday, 11 June 2006 ) |
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