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| Written by celly
-- Friday, 12 May 2006 |
Superman is cool when Superman is done right. I think It was back in the early 90's when they tried to kill Superman off that people started to slowly make him lame. Suddenly he wasn't a symbol of super natural powers, but instead, a symbol of super natural dork. And Smallville and Lois & Clark just managed to make it super natural creepy dork. [I think that's just the WB's Special Effect department that made it creepy] Then you have people like Shaq, [Who I'll bet has never paid DC Comics a Dime for the use of the logo] who slaps the damn thing on everything. Dude, you're a bazillionaire, pay someone to make a logo for you, don't steal Supermans. Bleh...
Then you have people like this guy... This guy has no right dressing up like Superman... He has a better chance pulling off Star Jones than he does Superman.. Seriously, did Superman every wear what looks to be a cod piece under his tights? Hell no! Dear god, someone get this man a sock and marbles to put in there. -- And then please shoot me for making that observation. People like this need to get their asses kicked for violating the decency of a cultural icon. And then neutered, so that they don't pass on the "I think I look good in tights" gene. *sigh*
But, alas, as always here on NoBleach, we find the good in things people have destroyed. Like this freaking shirt! Holy cow I love it! laFraise comes out with lots of nice threads, but since they are French, and the majority of the people who read this are Americanski I tend to pass them by! But holy Nutella Batman -- This this is freaking great! But, it's Limited to only 500 Shirts.. [I figure thats how many they think thy can print before they get the Cease and Desist from DC Comics...] So, make sure you get one quickly..
Oh, and when you wear the shirt, make sure you carry your `Speeding Bullet` -- The ladies love it... And just think of the pickup line... "Did you know that I'm faster than a Speeding Bullet?" [At least they can't call you a liar.. Then again, if you're that quick, I don't foresee them calling you at all..]
Cost: 20e [Euros / $7,234.73]
URL: http://www.laFraise.com
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| Last Updated ( Friday, 12 May 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Tuesday, 09 May 2006 |
Whoa, sorry my fellow Bleachians, it's been a while, a long long while.. But life has been silly crazy lately... So, just give me a few days and I'll get back up to speed.
In the mean time, during my short leave of absence, someone dropped me this link... This shirt is crazy cool. There is something about the American interpretation of Chinese food that cracks my shit up.. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but I just have a hard time seeing Chinese people eating dinner out of little while boxes, and then having their kids sit around reading their fortunes and then saying "In bed" while the family has a good laugh.. ["Never be afraid to try something ... In bed..." -- Oh man, that crap cracks me up...]
But what really is cool, is how I see this shirt as a visual parody of Americans slowly killing themselves with food. Seriously. You don't realized how much bad crap is in the food you eat. You can ask anyone that works at a restaurant, the chef is not there caring about your health. They are caring that your meal is good enough that you come back and eat again. [NOTE: The Mayo used at Checkers, doesn't require refrigeration.. Chew on that for a few mins...] And anything you buy in a package either uses sodium or fat for flavor [if not both] -- Two things that, chances are, you can uses a little less of ... [Yeah, I'm talking to you fatty...]
So, for 20$ This bad boy is a bargain.. And Rumor has it, it goes on a super secret [And by super secret I mean yellow bold highlighted on the page] sale on May 19th, 2006. Yeah. I'm picking up one.. And for you fatty.. You can pick up two XXL's and sew them together.. But that would just take this shirt from parody to example.. Which I think is also irony.. [And we here at NoBleach.com don't iron shit for no one!]
Cost: $20.00 [USD / 20 Jr. Bacon Cheese Burgers at Wendy's]
URL: http://www.oddica.com/
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 09 May 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Sunday, 30 April 2006 |
The French have given us so many great inventions. For example you have French toast, French fries, the battery, Jacques Cousteau, surrendering, Mayonnaise, the guillotine, and my personal favorite rayon... But when they are not running around wearing a cellulose-based fiber that is made from wood pulp or cotton waste and commonly used as a substitute for silk, chances are they head over to InkMySoul.com and order a couple of crazy shirts for the whole family.
I'm not saying the French are rayon whores, but It is funny living here in Florida and seeing some European tourist have a rayon shirt shrink wrapped to their bodies after being melted in our hot humid sun. Global Warming is a bitch, but it sure makes for a fun time at Disney! If only these people understood what fine quality breathable cotton American Apparel tshirt were waiting for them over at InkMySoul, then they wouldn't be the butt of all of our jokes..[Ok, we'd still make fun of them, Especially when they keep jamming our `exact change` toll booths with Euro's..]
So enough about that. Check out this shirt.. I feel it's very 'Four Non Blonds` [I'm talking Bigger, Better, Faster, More! -- not Candace Bushnell] And plus they put it on a chick.. Boobies make everything better... Everything... Period.. Literally.. Everything... Period...
Cost: $31.59 [USD / Did I mention boobies make things better?]
URL: http://www.inkmysoul.com
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| Last Updated ( Sunday, 30 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 26 April 2006 |
God bless dolphins. They put up with so much crap from humans... You know one of these days, one of them is going to jump out of the Tank at Sea World and grab some poor innocent little kid by the jugular. And honestly, I can't say that I blame them. Especially now that the secret is out about them being gay sharks.
You know, I always was suspicious about them, ever since I saw Flipper. Flipper was a bit too effeminate for my tastes... But it was the wardrobe that threw me.. Gray is so last fall.. No self respecting gay shark would be caught dead in gray in April.. What gives...
Cost: $15.00 [USD / Clams]
URL: www.threadpit.com
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 26 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 19 April 2006 |
I have never been the biggest KISS fan. I do respect Gene Simmons for the fact that he is a marketing genius. [And the fact that he has had sex with enough women to put most college fraternities (undergrad and alumni combined) to shame..] And if you do some research, every consumer product someone could comprehend, KISS has put their name on it at one point or another. Now the Misfits on the other hand I super like. whether it's the punk rock flavor of the Misfits, or the Rock Blues Dark sound that Danzig had, it's just a great influential band..
Now whats really cool about this shirt is that every single time that you see a major rock band interviewed, they are asked "Who are your major influences?" -- And two of the answers are "Misfits" and "KISS"... That's gotta count for something... But taking two of the greatest rock influences, and combining them together... Genius..
Kudos to the chef on this one. Shame it's overseas, but they will ship to us kiddies in the US.
Cost: 33€ [Euro / Alt-0128 ]
URL: http://www.rockawaybear.com/
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 19 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Tuesday, 18 April 2006 |
Tofu is good fun... Just don't kid yourself, it doesn't taste like anything. However, it does a fine and dandy job of sucking up other flavors... So if you know how to mix together some magic cooking juice, then you can fry that junk up and have yourself a rather tasty meal.. Or two..
Anyways, this shirt was on this weeks episode of the Sopranos [ 04/16/2006 ] -- Meadow was wearing it during breakfast in one scene. So I decided to look for it and share with my peeps. Unfortunately, this shirt has two major strikes against it. First, it's Cafepress.. Which means the shirt quality is crap. Second, it's a shirt sponsored by PETA for their Vegan cronies... Bleh.. Vegans.. No one likes vegans... [Jews and Muslims both agree after they patch up their differences, the only people left to hate will be the Vegans]
So, exactly how Vegan is Tofu? Well, first it's made from beans. Those beans are grown on land that was stolen from animals without their permission.. Then, the beans are treated with pesticides and fertilizers which poison the water, insects, and surrounding vegitation killing whatever animals ingest them. Shortly after it's being processed by processing plants that create emissions from burning fossil fuels, which in return pollutes, and kills even more animals. Then, it's placed on an 18 Wheeler to be shipped, where the driver will kill his fair share of animals that wonder out in front of his Semi along the way. Finally it makes it to a super market where a Vegan purchases it, unwraps it, and cooks it. That wrapper makes it into the trash which is brought to a dump, and eaten by a seagull which dies as well.. So, in the process of saving one cow, or one chicken, the vegans have managed to be responsible for, encourage, or accelerate the deaths of multiple animals along the way! Good job guys! Way to prove your point!
Cost: $20.99
URL: www.cafepress.com
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 18 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Friday, 14 April 2006 |
Happy Friday guys! Here are some really, really, really, bad jokes to go along with this cool barbed wire t-shirt. I figured I'd spare you the hell of a Pamala Anderson Bashing for a few more weeks... ;) So, I hope everyone has a safe heppy weekend! .. Err.. HAPPY! I meant HAPPY! sorry...
Dirty Joke:
What do barbed wire and a thong have in common?
Both protect the property, but neither obstruct the view.
Clean Joke:
What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence?
It was an udder catastrophe!
Blonde Joke:
A blonde gets two horses from the ranch, but she can't tell them apart. She goes to her neighbor for some advice. The neighbor tells her to go cut off part of the tail of one of the horses.
The blonde decides to do that. The next day the other horse had his tail stuck to a barbed-wire fence. The blonde has to cut that one off too. She goes back to her neighbor for some advice. The neighbor tells her to go cut off part of one of the horses' left ear.
She does this, and sure enough, the other horse get his left ear caught in the same barbed-wire fence. She has to cut part of that ear off, too. She goes back to her neighbor, and he tells her to go measure their heights, so she can tell the difference between them. She does, and it turns out that the black horse is two inches taller than the white horse.
Cost: $25.00 [USD / Sense of Humor]
Url: www.reconstore.com
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| Last Updated ( Friday, 14 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Tuesday, 11 April 2006 |
 There they sit, on a shelf in the supermarket... Twelve of them for $5.99.. People walk by, pointing and laughing... But little do they know that those bottles branded with the velvety blue scarlet letter badge are really twelve ounces of pure heaven. Thats right, I said it... Pure freaking heaven... Pabst Blue Ribbon aka. PBR [The beer, not the Professional Bull Riders (PBR)... Although, PBR has been known as a leading cause of making people want to ride ugly chicks bulls... But that's another tshirt..]
Back Story :: I was personally introduced to the PBR in 1998 in Heavenly, Lake Tahoe.. A large group of us were away on a ski trip, and when funds ran short at the liquor store the "responsible adult" we had sent decided to skimp on the beer, and not the hard stuff. So, after much ridicule, the PBR was annexed out of the refrigerator in favor of the 200 pudding snack-packs the stoner's managed to buy while on the food run. [Never send stoner's to the store, unless you like massive amounts of a odd items...] So, not want to see beer go to waste, I decided to go outside and dig a hole in a snow bank and tuck in those little cans in for a quick chilling nap. Little did I know, that less than two hours later, I'd be enjoying way may be one of the greatest domestic beers of all time.
From that point on I loved PBR. It treats you right. It has good flavor, good body, good color, good price, and you never have to worry about your buddies coming over and drinking it all. In fact, you don't even have to worry about them drinking it at all. [Unless they are from Wisconsin. People from Wisconsin love the PBR.. But, There is no good reason to invite people from Wisconsin into your house anyways, so this shouldn't be a problem...] I have traveled the world around, and drank some of the greatest (and worst) beers that the world has to offer. And the fact of the matter is, PBR is not the best beer period [Tucher is...] But, It is clearly the best beer that is readily available in the US for < 10$ a twelve pack... If you don't believe me, chances are you just have never given it a chance... Try it once, and I'm sure you'll become a believer..
In the meantime... For all of us PBR whores of the world... Make sure you scoot on over to Waffo.com and grab yourself this great Pabst Blue Ribbon t-shirt.. This gem says it all.. And although it is hard for a lot of people to strut the f'bomb out in public.. I'll risk a kick in the kneecaps from a nun to show all those import drinking pretentious pricks who's boss! FTW!
Cost: $19.99 [USD / 1.5 Cases]
URL: http://www.waffo.com
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 11 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Monday, 10 April 2006 |
Oh common, it's still funny... I still remember 6th grade and all the jokes we made on DARE day. They had the worst cartoons in the booklets they made us study from. It was almost like they reused cartoons from a Spanish text book, and just colored in the end of tacos to make them look like pills.And then after 6 weeks of class, after spending countless hours listening to Officer "I pissed off HR so now I have to teach DARE" and drawing mustaches on pill popping sombrero Joe, It was finally graduation day.
Now, when you graduated from DARE, you were supposed to have someone famous come and talk to your class. We were supposed to get Hulk Hogan... Unfortunately for us the Hulk was busy kicking ass, so he sent us a video instead... We were upset but in all realit y what we really wanted were our free tshirts! There is something about a free tshirt that drives people wild. I'm convinced that the cheap labels massage some erotic t-zone, but most likely we just like free meals when we can get them ... Regardless, We wanted that DAMN free shirt...
For about the next three weeks, the whole 6th grade washed and wore that shirt.. If you didn't wear it at least 4 times that week, you were a looser. It was a sea of black, moving through the hallways. [Except for the fat kids, they forgot to order any in their size]  Everyone was talking about how exciting it'll be to loose your virginity in your free DARE shirt or who boobs looked the biggest in their their DARE shirt.. It was a great time for all.. We were a proud Bunch, and with Hulk Hogans taped words still ringing in our ears there was nothing we couldn't 'Just Say No' to...
Then a few weeks later, Hulk Hogan himself admitted to having a drug problem. We were crushed! Our souls shattered. All along we were lied to, by none other than Hulk Hogan himself! So, the whole school got together, and in a tear filled ceremony we all burned our DARE shirts. We could have nothing to do with them, because now the purity, pride, and self confidence these shirts brought everyone had been shattered... By none other, than the mighty Hulk man himself...
It has been over 15 years since the great Hulk Hogan DARE mishap of Wellington Middle School... And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it... Mostly while drinking hard liquor, smoking paint chips, and snorting lines of coke off a hookers ass... [I'm just kidding.. I don't drink liquor, I'm a beer man...]
Cost: Bid Now! [Starting $.99]
URL: www.ebay.com |
| Last Updated ( Monday, 10 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Sunday, 09 April 2006 |
Remember back in the day when Tom Cruise wasn't a certifiable psycho cradle robbing asshat clown humper? Yeah, back then he actually managed to pump out a few decent flicks... Risky Business, The color or Money, hell, even Rainman was a great flick... But his one performance that I think everyone can agree on as being his greatest, would have to be his emotional Oscar winning performance in Top Gun.. [Actually, I'm pretty sure he didn't get an Oscar for Top Gun..]
Actually, you know what... Screw Tom Cruise... I'm not going to waste my time talking about him, especially after finding a picture of this fine young lady wearing this nice tshirt. This here is Mandy. Mandy likes driving fast, beer (non light beer only), spicy foods, watching sports, and performing fellatio. [Ok, I made all of that up, but for some reason, thats what she is likes in my head.. so please don't ruin it for me...] Anyways, Mandy here is a model for Dusty Brand Clothing, and she is the current “Desktop Of the Month” -- And also just so happens to be sporting one of Dusty Brands fine tshirts... [Hence, the "Babes in Threads" category...duh!]
So now, if you will please excuse me, it's time for me to go buzz the tower... If you know what I mean...
[Note: This is most likely the only article on the Internet were the phrases 'Tom Cruise' and 'fellatio' were used, and fellatio wasn't describing something he does...]
URL: www.dustybrands.com
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| Last Updated ( Sunday, 09 April 2006 ) |
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