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| Written by celly
-- Friday, 07 April 2006 |
If you ask any man who is over 50, and grew up in the US, they will tell you that when they were a kid they had a gun. It was pretty much second nature for any non urban kid to at least own a .22 if not a 410 or some 7mm WWI era rifle. You could order them by mail out of the back of "Boys Life", the Woolworth's catalog, or 100 other places with no real proof of age, or permission slip, or background check.. Guns were sorta viewed as toys, but you really never heard of stories of kids bringing guns to school and shooting them up like you do today... Is this because of the media? Do they glorify these events more now than in the 50's? Or is it that our youth are just out out their f'n minds now?
Actually, I think it is both. Today, if a kid brings a gun to school, no matter how insignificant the event is, it's headline news. But at the same time, kids today don't
know how to deal with their emotions and anger... Which isn't surprising, considering if you wear your emotions or anger on your sleeve they dope you up
with a cocktail of drugs to suppress you back into a stoic haze. Back then, people fought with their fists, and this is what controlled their emotions and rage... Now that the fist has been replaced with Ritalin, there are just extreme highs and lows for these poor kids, it's no wonder they are running around popping caps in everyone..
Anyways, wear this shirt as a constant reminder that right below that kids car seat could be a sawed-off or even an AK-47. And the next time you see some teeny-bopper girl walking around with a huge purse, it's because she is packing an Uzi or two... And those baggy pants, the have so much trouble keeping them up becuase of how heavy hand grenades are... [Yeah, it's hard to believe but the main influence of the fashion industry for the age group of 11-19 is Smith & Wesson.. It's true.. Google it...]
Cost: $11.99 [USD / MEDIC!]
URL: www.roadkilltshirts.com
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| Last Updated ( Friday, 07 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 05 April 2006 |
A good idea can be made a great idea just by how it is implemented. For instance, look at the Internet. It was designed to help inter-network the growing telecommunications networks of the world. Then, somewhere along the line, someone decided to throw up some pictures of naked ladies, and wallah! Overnight Success.. [Rumor has it, Al Gore was in fact the first person to post porn, hence how he invented the Internet..]
So, I saw this "Cops Lie" shirt a while ago. I kinda giggled, but figured that is was just not something that I'd risk wearing out in public. [It would kinda suck getting pulled over while wearing this... Like really, really suck... You might as well have two or three dead hookers in the trunk, while you're smoking crack, and a also have a broken tailight... Becuase their going to Kick your ass either way...] So, I passed it off and put it on my list of "Shirts for days when I have absolutely nothing to post about". But then, while browsing Autoblog yesterday, I found this gem of a picture, and instantly this shirt has now become a must-have for everyone.
This guy has BALLS! If this is a real picture, which after some research found out it's pretty authentic, then Kudos to Mr. Ohio! I'm very impressed. This just shows how you can take something that normally would be "eh.." and make it "Awesome!" just by changing the implementation, or doing something special with it. [Like how if Sharon Stone didn't 'uncross' her legs in Basic Instinct, no one would of ever heard of the film.. But she did, and we got a sequel.. an old wrinkled sequel... "Basic Instict II: Cob Webs and Crows Feet"]
Anyways, I'm going to order one of these, and wear it next time I have jury duty... If I'm not home by 10am that day, it'll be a miracle..
Cost: $19.99 [USD / 187 On a mf'n cop!]
URL: www.thestuntfactory.com
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 05 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Monday, 03 April 2006 |
First off, let me get something off my chest. In the past I have not been the biggest fan of Threadless tees. I understand they are trying to make a buck, but they do reprint to death some shirts. “The communist party” is on like a 5th reprint. Threadless shirts used to come off as something special to me. I felt like as soon as they came out I had to be the first to get it before it was gone... Now, I don't really have that worry, because as soon as they sell out a popular shirt, the slap that shit back on the press quicker than Chuck Norris can kunk-foo chop a rabid midget... [Chuck Norris + Midgets = Giggles, everytime.]
That being said, I must applaud the artists that submit shirts to the site. The amount of humor and creativity that comes out of some people that submit simply amazes me. This shirt in particular is just so simple but at the same time so classically great.
Pooping is clearly perceived as the most bashful of all human bodily functions. Yet, we all do it. Men, women, children, and even the evil monkey living in my closet. The fact that you take something so basic and taboo then add in political symbols makes it so this shirt can be seen as satire, political, political satire, scat, political scat, or even just good ol' fashion 'dick and fart' jokesque. Simply awesome.
Anyways, +1 for Threadless for printing this shirt. [But your still on my poo list...][HAH! I said poo...] and +Eleventy Billion for the artist. Good Job!
Cost: $15.00 [USD / Charmin]
URL: www.threadless.com
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| Last Updated ( Monday, 03 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Monday, 03 April 2006 |
I set out tonight to see what the most expensive tshirt I could find on ebay was. The rules were, it couldn't be something famous like some tshirt Elvis used as a codpiece during his fat years, it couldn't be something outrageously priced so that when you sorted items by price it was at the top, [People will do anything for a buck...] And finally, it could only be 1 item, and not a lot of 50 that 'fell off the back of a truck...'
So go figure, the winner is something from Japan... Apparently they don't have be-dazzlers over there, because here in the States, you can make this freaking shirt for $19.95 after waiting 6-8 weeks for shipping.. In fact, there isn't a grandmother, psycho aunt, or a fat chick in Iowa that doesn't already have a sweatshirt that looks EXACLTY like this – The main difference is that the Japanese don't put “I love Phil Donahue..” or “My Bong, My Bush, Just hit it!” [The latter can be sexual or political.. You choose..] on theirs..
So, if you have nothing better to do with $365.00, chances are you also have the money to have someone explain to you what the hell “A Bathing Ape” is... Or you're some trendy hip hop star that can afford the embarrassment of walking around bedazzled – yet trendy – in public.. Whatever..
So, Cliff notes: Bathing ape is a trendy Japanese clothing label. Every time you buy a Subaru, Toyota, or Honda, one more Japanese person can afford to walk around wearing this bedazzled shirt. At the current rate of car sales, Japan will look like Richard Simmonsville in 5 years... So overall, it might be worth it, but in the mean time if I see you wearing this on the street, I will club you with a tire iron.. twice..
Cost: $365.00
URL: www.ebay.com
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| Last Updated ( Monday, 03 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Sunday, 02 April 2006 |
So someone who is a close friend of NoBleach sent me an IM saying my stories and description were incredibly too long for simple tshirt reviews... I tried to explain to them thats what nB is all about... But to no avail.. Anyways, to make them happy here you have it:
Hamburger shirt. Yay. Yummy. Cool Now go STFU and DIAF!
Happy Now Bitch?
Cost: $35.00
URL: www.sktshirts.com
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| Last Updated ( Sunday, 02 April 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Thursday, 30 March 2006 |
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wassabee!
[Insert sound of crickets, big f'n crickets...]
Sorry. I couldn't resist.. Anyways, The Ichthys symbol is one of the most common parodied symbols. Traditionally used to symbolize someones faith in Christianity, it is now used to exploit everything from hobbies, lack of faith, software [Freaking linux dorks...], or just another faith altogether. [Oh, but I've got to think twice, Before I give my heart away, And I know all the games you play, Because I play them too... -- What? Too soon for George Michal Humor? Perhaps I agree.. Sorry... ] It's just a fun symbol to play around with. And seeing how most people don't know / care what it means, so you don't have to worry about Denmark being invaded if you slap one on your car.
So what did they do here? Graphical Irony. Genius! This is what I like to call "Multi-Thought Humor", It takes 2 thoughts to get the joke. And if people don't get it, you instantly know that they are a moron! Yay!
The best part about this shirt is the pick up line potential:
Her: "What does your shirt mean..."
You: "It means I'm waiting for you with baited breath..."
[Insert sound of world's loudest crickets here...]
Cost: $15.95
Url: www.tshirtsthatsuck.com
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| Last Updated ( Thursday, 30 March 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Wednesday, 29 March 2006 |
It's not that I hate kids... Okay, I'm lying, I do hate kids... But only other peoples kids, and any of mine that I don't know about.. [Seriously, who are we kidding, my fish have 6 tails and swim in circles all day chanting 'I like pizza...' -- I should be safe..] Okay, some kids are alright in small doses.. Like when they are sleeping, or like when they poop all over someone and you get a good laugh out of it... But the rest of the time, those miserable little bastards make life hell for the rest of us.
Overall I think that the media and Hollywood are glorifying child birth, mostly because the easiest way to get higher ratings, sell more records, and make more at the box office is to have more people, right?... This in return fuels the fire for people [Who really shouldn't be reproducing] to start popping out babies left and right... Each time bringing another little DNA pool polluting time bomb into this world... I can't remember the the last time I heard a story about a normal human being brought into this world.. "Little Timmy is allergic to fabrics used in American cars...", "Little Joey he has three testicles.. On each thumb...", "Baby Jody was born with 72 extra teeth...", "My daughter Barbra was born with a tail..." and so on.. and so on... News flash: ... We don't freaking care! ... So stop talking about it..
Actually, perhaps I don't hate kids... Perhaps I just hate parents? Huh?
So, This is where Aeon Tee's comes into the picture. This shirt is a pun off the PARENTAL ADVISORY labels made famous by 2 Live Crew and overused by the Republicans and Walmart.. [Seriously Walmart, Parental advisory on Avenged Sevenfold? Seriously? You out of your mind? Seriously..] Clearly a well designed statement... On red... Spelled correctly... And it comes with 2 scoops of STFU for eager parents... Very nicely done...
Note: We need another version of this shirt that says "Parental Advisory: Shut up about your kids!" or "Parental Advisory: Your kids suck!" -- That'd be awesome...
Cost: $15.00 [USD / Broken Condoms]
URL: www.aeontees.com
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 29 March 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Tuesday, 28 March 2006 |
It's nice when a community can get something done. A few weeks back we here at NoBleach featured a "Concept" shirt that someone came up with for the website and community of Digg.com. Now, I'm pretty freaking sure we had nothing to do with it, but someone was listening, and sure enough a Digg tshirt arrived on the scene this week.
This is actually a pretty freaking cool shirt. Not only do you get the shirt, but you get a Sharpie to write what you Digg on it.. It's a shame it's not Dry Erase.. That way the shirt can be a bit more dynamic.. Like, when you're in line for checkout, you can write "I Digg: You speeding the F!@% Up" -- Or when your on trial for murder, update it to "I Digg: Aquital" and so on and so on... But, my guess is, the majority of geeks that buy this shirt will be running around with "I Digg: porn". But, to each his own...
So from the looks of the response from Digg, Jinx.com (The people making this shirt) are getting people to whip out cash for this faster than if Angelina Jolie was walking down the street with a price tag stuck to her ass... [Yeah, there are even a few girls right now going -- Yup, Uh huh.. I'd Tap that ass... Twice.. In the Morning..] So, good for them, and good for the community. If enough people ask for something [And especially if Capitalism is involved] we can get it done. yay!
Cost: $15.00 [USD / FREE FREAKING SHARPIE!]
Url: www.jinx.com
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 28 March 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Monday, 27 March 2006 |
Every once in a while you find a shirt that is so simple, it's great. I'm not sure why I like this shirt, I think it is just that I have severe weaknesses of the flesh for sandwiches. [Perhaps that is a very wrong term to use... Don't get the wrong Idea... I'm not Jason Biggs...] But they come in so many shapes and sizes... Think about it, you have Corned Beef, Meatball, Club, BLT, Ham and Cheese, Peanut Butter, Pastrami, Turkey, Tuna Salad, Roast Beef, Pulled Pork, Egg Salad, Dagwood, French Dip, Tuna Melt, Knuckle, Hamburgers, Reuben, Grilled Cheese, Balonga, Cuban, Gyro, Cheese Steaks, Po' Boy, Monte Cristo, Sloppy - Sloppy Joe, Hot Brown, and best of all Vegemite Sandwiches -- just to name a few.
Who ever would of thought that Lord Sandwich could of started such a craze because he was too lazy to get up from a card game... [Then again, J.Lo started the couture jump suit craze because she was too lazy to get dressed... What kills me is how disgusting couture gets after a few years, and these women that still insist on wearing them in public are really just walking fuzzy bacteria petri dishes...] But, Anyways, clearly the love of the sandwich [Stop giggling sickko, I'm not talking about like Nyotaimori..] in not just a human thing, but was also common amongst the dinosaurs as well -- And that I did not know! You learn something new every day here at NoBleach. Huh? [And, Thanks god them bitches are extinct, means more sandwhichesesesesses for me! wo0p!]
Cost: $14.00
URL: www.seibei.com
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| Last Updated ( Monday, 27 March 2006 ) |
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| Written by celly
-- Saturday, 25 March 2006 |
God bless babes in threads, the latest category addition to NoBleach. This is the one time a week where I can look for girls on the Internet and not be required to have a major credit card handy. This week we bring you Rebecca. Rebecca's home is tshirtcrib.com which will most likely see a few shirts featured in the near future.. I found a few awesome shirts over there that would look awesome crumpled up next to my bed... If you know what I mean....
Which remind me of a funny story -- That reminds of when I used to think Shinia Twains Song "Whose bed have your boots been under" said "Whose Bed have your boobs been under..." And I was like, Why are they doing it under the bed... Is like, someone sleeping up there? And if they are sleeping up there how is it they can't hear you there... And is she gay and singing this song about her sexually confused lesbian lover? Then when I figured out what the song really said, I realized I was listening to Shania Twain and how homosexual of me that was...
Anyways, click the picture for a direct link to check out Rebecca, and her friend Laura. Both of which are well deserving of the Babes in Thread title this week.. It's just the pic I chose from Rebecca is super duper hotness...
URL: www.tshirtcrib.com
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| Last Updated ( Saturday, 25 March 2006 ) |
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